The rightous cigarrettes in Dalston Greek

SCENE I
Princess is visiting a friend who is recovering after unsuccessful suicide attempt. She is saying following sentences to presently immortal acquaintance:
PRINCESS: So you don’t have enough? You still want to see what God has to offer? Oh sorry, I don’t want to be patronising. You didn’t miss anything interesting on TV. Imagine how sad would everybody be. Lets celebrate this unaccomplished mission with alcohol and cigarettes. I’m here for you my friend. Lets stare in each other eyes. Next time you need some drama just let me know. I will show you how to suffer and get attention. And make the whole humanity suffer with you to the limits of joy. Look at the poor artists. Andy Warhol for example – he never smiled. He couldn’t afford to. The secret suffering pact with mother Teresa didn’t let him. Lets play the truth to the ears illusion. Why should we pretend we don’t like everything. Stopping yourself from happiness is a hypersin. But even God sometimes commits it. Remember how they wrote in the Bible that he got angry with people? But he was forgiven of course. By himself of course. It is a finnessish adroitness to be able to forgive yourself. And you can do it my dear friend because I believe in you………
(She grabs both hands of her friend and squeezes its sweaty fingers with her 20 compassionate ones)
PRINCESS:Do you see my belief or do I need to draw it? Oh, forgive me for bringing the happiness to you so quickly……………… Maybe you are not ready. Maybe my words mean nothing to you……………….
(Hugging the friend and strolling all 20 fingers on its back)
PRINCESS:Oh thank you for accepting nothing with such grace and understanding. Be my spiritual guide, my hero!!! I want to be the dirt under you fingers that doesn’t let wear gloves. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Let us talk forever until we vanish on the non- selfish wish.
(The mother of the friend walks into the room with the tray of chocolates and . She hands the tray to her baby and takes out 'Get out of here' banner from her pocket addressing it to Princess)
PRINCESS: Wait a second, is that bitch your mother who is trying to get me out of here just now? Tell her that if the same happens to me my mother will treat you in similar manner.
(Leaving the room)
PRINCESS: Goodbye my suici!!!!!

SCENE II
(Princess is having a sushi in a sushi place.)
PRINCESS (looking at the sky): I can not stop thinking about waht happend this afternopon. I'm sure my friend is just becoming nobody but he will never feel angry about it.
(Turning to the waiter)
PRINCESS: Anyway, time for radiation!
(She grabs the hand of the waiter and pulls him across the town into the power plan)
PRINCESS: Now we are going to climb this highest whatever and reenact the famous ‘Titanic scene’
PRINCESS and WAITER together (in the position of famouse Titanic scenec, shouting): I’m the king of the worm!!!
(Suddenly princess interrupts this momentous moment)
PRINCESS: Shit! I’m late for the spontaneous meeting with counselor
(She escapes)


SCENE III
(Princess at the counselor's chamber)
COUNSELOR: Did you get depressed today princess?
PRINCESS: Of course not dear counselor.
COUNSELOR: How come? The weather is shit and the Christmas is canceled. My mother has warned me that you are crazy. Not any bad thoughts at all? Are you sure?
PRINCESS: Absolutely none dear counselor.
COUNSELOR: Ok go home then.
PRINCESS: Is that it? Is that what you also told my friend? Do you know that now his becoming nobody and its mother is feeding them chocolates? Probably it feels it failed getting depressed on your request! But you will never get me. Me and other kids will come here and suffocate you with Sardine cigarettes. The Dalston Creek will be a happy place again!!!!!

Racist Love

(Princess had to meet an Old Friend From School (OFFS) for coffee because her councelor signed her onto facebook. After 1 hour of coffee shopping and being silent Princess starts)
PRINCESS: Now OFFS, Why do you love me?
OFFS: I never said I loved you?
PRINCESS: I'm not asking what you said OFFS. I'm asking why?
OFFS: Ehhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhh, uuuuuuuuh, neeee , neee, neee
PRINCESS: I detect that the logics of discussion are quite foreign to you. Don't worry. You can answer by just looking at me.
(Terrorized friend gazing at the princesss...)
PRINCESS: Does it hurt?
OFFS: A bit
PRINCESS: Why?
OFFS: Because you make me feel uncomfortable
PRINCESS: Oh, how awful. How about putting some cotton pads on your brain wires?
OFFS: Ok. Maybe.
PRINCESS: First, do you have any friends in NHS?
OFFS: No, I only have friends in BNP
PRINCESS: That will do.

(The next moment Mr Griifin is joining the OFFSS (Old friends from school) in their 'caffeine-nation for liberation' session)
PRINCESS: Oh Nick Griffin, you look different.
NICK GRIFFIN: Yes that is my real face. The other was just a Halloween Mask.
PRINCESS: Verstanden, so you just wanted to scare people?
NICK GRIFFIN: Yes, yes, that was supposed to be the revenge on the media for calling me racist.
PRINCESS: You claiming it was unlawful? Can you promise you never raced?
NICK GRIFFIN: Never. It was misunderstanding you see. I ran out of my flat to get some toilet paper and I coincided with the marathon. Not only did they name me the winner of the race but also accused me of cheating.
PRINCESS: Oh, Ah, Ah, Allah bless you Mr Griffin. That is a well upsetting tale. Let me start a charity organisation for you. My friend will be your charity organizer. She will look after you. Don't get me wrong I don't think you are lacking the moral spine. Here you go: the wheelless wheelchair. Make yourself comfortable.
(princess throwing Mr Griffin on the normal chair -that makes him sit down alright)
PRINCESS: Now, that I can see you are both set and read, here are the tickets for you to the Boneless Mountain!!!
(handing them the bill and leaving in splits)

PRINCESS (conversates to herself while walking): Well done me! I didn't want to tell them in their faces, but those two don't know anything about love and morality. Now that they will have to pay the bill together, surely they will fall in love and leave the humanity in peace.'
(stops to look at little boy torturing little dove with red cross tattoo with a stick)
'I wonder if Noble Prize people already get twitts about me'

Hooligans of joy

Princess went to the concert because music is her friend since she got internet.
On the concert she held crowd very tight waving lighters in her teeth when suddenly at 4th song she started screaming:
'I know this song! You nasty thief! You stolen this song from Google! I hate you! Go to prison!'
'Shut up, you histeric topshop bag!' - the audience reacted - 'This is Kings of Leon - famous band. That is why their songs are on google!'
'You mean they registered with iPhone?'
'Yes. Everything. Now become silent. I will not stand your ignorant comments anymore'
'Relax you attitude. I am the conversation therapist if you haven't realised yet'
The audience paid the bow to the princess and pronounced:
'Forgive me your majesty. What a revolting misunderstanding. May I carry you around for the rest of the gig?'
'Oh, don't accelerate! Just take this pill and you will be forgiven, forgotten and forseen'
'Mniam. Thank your Majesty - said the audience swallowing the pill - I will wreak the joy around'

Et voila the happiness is hastling us everyday. Why not just stop your racism towards happy and join the minority?
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Good luck virus

- Ein, zwei, la la la,
La la la, ein, zwei!
Ein, zwei, la la la,
La la la, ein, zwei!
Ein, zwei, la la la,
La la la, ein, zwei!
- Mr Gangrous, I can not believe that you sent your son to german playground! I subscribed my son to football club! You know - Barca in Barcelona, spain, 59, easyjet, stansted - you know what I mean?
- Johny-Jonathan-Marie! Come here instantly and present this falling gentleman all your Uber-skills! Start with pole-dancing!
And indeed the kid started to dance introducing its hips in rompy-rythmic resonance, raising its hands to the sky shouting: 'North pole' and then reaching the ground while yelling: 'south pole'
- Enough! Enough! Now I know everything! Your son is the princess!
- I don't understand. What do you minge?
- It's obvious. Your sibling is a princess with 20 fingers. How much did you pay her? She tried to get a job pretending my granny once!
- It is her! It is my wife! She lied to me she told me we had a son! Where is the nearest off-licence court? I need to get a divorce!
- Stop! Stop! Don't be silly! She did it because she loves you.
- Mein Gott! I didn't know she loved me! What a great news! Let's celebrate! Are there any celebrities round here to celebrate?
Having heard that, sperm of Kevin Spacey crawls out from behind the bush. Having seen it mr Gangrous excitedly exclaims:
- You! You! You! You are a seed of my celebration and you are the root for my happiness! Come in to my penis - you will be my son!

Mr Gangrous conceived a baby that night and lived with his wife forever (because they both caught immortal diseas)
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Insulting kisses

A human aspiring to be an average human does not judge other people's happiness. Bambini Groteska didn't know about this therefore one day he said to princess:
- Your happiness is shit!
- Shit! Shit! Shit! I love shit! Let's sing a song about shit! - Princess responded jumping above the floor and killing some animals at the same time
- Hey! You killed the fly! It was my only friend in this room!
- Don't worry! Forgive me! Let's make thanks-for-giving dinner now!
- I don't need to forgive you right now. You use me as a guinea pig for showing off your happiness habits. I have to hide my happiness deep inside because I made a promise to never flash it. I need to be faithful to my brain! Do you understand?
- That was so organic what you have said! I sense I fell down in love with you. I sense you want to kiss me with your lips into my lips! Let's kiss together!

What a happy ending! What a story! Do not be jealous! You can do the same if you are good in insulting etiquette.

World's VIPs

Princess is at the opening of the world. One could say it looks like an avarage coctail party but when you take a closer look it is actually pretty special. The hard-deco ornaments between the oceans must have cost 2.000.000 pesos.
Princess is rehearsing chat up lines to make friends with visitors from other planets when she suddenly spots Santa.
- Hey Santa! What are YOU doing here?
- Are you trying to insinuate that I should not be here? Yoy mean how come I got invited to the opening? That you are better then me?
- Yes exactly. Sorry, it rude to use meta-idioms in situations like this.
- I know. You've spent too much time with those league of gentlemen guys.
- Anyway, may you ciao-off right now and pretend you don't know me since I would like to make some new UFO friends.
Santa fulfilled her wish with happiness since he always got off on honesty and Princess was combing the fields of glamour with her greedy eyes. The occasion of establishing frienship appeared sooner then an aftermath. The peachy-skinned creature with the names of 5 most famous tatoo artist tatooed on its back just drop a moon-steak off its plate. Chancy Princess immediately put her silky leg on the moon-steak so the creature could not put it back on the plate.
- Oh, I can see that your moon-steak is under my foot - Princess addressed the looser - Does it mean that you can not put it back on your plate?
- Yes maydam. You tell the truth.
- Would you like me to release it for you?
- Yes maydam. I would like.
- Will you become my friend if I take my foot away from it?
- Yes maydam I will become.
- Miau, miau miau!!! What a sexy story! Let's make some fun! Give me a hug! Anybody take a photo?!?!
Princess seemed so sickly happy. Do you think she was on drugs or she was paid?
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What holiday made us

Today Princess is in Ecuador starting new bussiness to get money to go on holiday to mongolia. She is opening an Agent Agency of course.
The first client is ready, therefor the Princess states:
- Do you fancy some relaxing
holidays?
- Oh yes please!
-Well then come into this cage full of sharks and computers.
-What? I think you lady got you intentions frustrated!
-Absolutely not! You need to get stressed to get relaxed. You don't look stressed at all at the moment now, therefore your holiday would fail.
-You are so fucking nice. I'm in!!!
-In!!! In!!! In!!! All you people are in! Who is out then? That is why you don't see the world around you! Because you are in all the time.May I have some alternative clients please or am I going to spent all my life on facebook? Do you know what I minge?
- Absolutely. Shall I apologise, pay or call your parents?
- Call my parents! Fuck yeah! What a great idea. I'm giving you 6 months holiday for free. Pack your balls! You are going to Ecuador!
- But I am in ecuador now!
- That might be true, however that is what you deserve!

Remember that a good agent is a future teller. Don't take shit for with no toilet paper!
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