Hooligans of joy

Princess went to the concert because music is her friend since she got internet.
On the concert she held crowd very tight waving lighters in her teeth when suddenly at 4th song she started screaming:
'I know this song! You nasty thief! You stolen this song from Google! I hate you! Go to prison!'
'Shut up, you histeric topshop bag!' - the audience reacted - 'This is Kings of Leon - famous band. That is why their songs are on google!'
'You mean they registered with iPhone?'
'Yes. Everything. Now become silent. I will not stand your ignorant comments anymore'
'Relax you attitude. I am the conversation therapist if you haven't realised yet'
The audience paid the bow to the princess and pronounced:
'Forgive me your majesty. What a revolting misunderstanding. May I carry you around for the rest of the gig?'
'Oh, don't accelerate! Just take this pill and you will be forgiven, forgotten and forseen'
'Mniam. Thank your Majesty - said the audience swallowing the pill - I will wreak the joy around'

Et voila the happiness is hastling us everyday. Why not just stop your racism towards happy and join the minority?
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Good luck virus

- Ein, zwei, la la la,
La la la, ein, zwei!
Ein, zwei, la la la,
La la la, ein, zwei!
Ein, zwei, la la la,
La la la, ein, zwei!
- Mr Gangrous, I can not believe that you sent your son to german playground! I subscribed my son to football club! You know - Barca in Barcelona, spain, 59, easyjet, stansted - you know what I mean?
- Johny-Jonathan-Marie! Come here instantly and present this falling gentleman all your Uber-skills! Start with pole-dancing!
And indeed the kid started to dance introducing its hips in rompy-rythmic resonance, raising its hands to the sky shouting: 'North pole' and then reaching the ground while yelling: 'south pole'
- Enough! Enough! Now I know everything! Your son is the princess!
- I don't understand. What do you minge?
- It's obvious. Your sibling is a princess with 20 fingers. How much did you pay her? She tried to get a job pretending my granny once!
- It is her! It is my wife! She lied to me she told me we had a son! Where is the nearest off-licence court? I need to get a divorce!
- Stop! Stop! Don't be silly! She did it because she loves you.
- Mein Gott! I didn't know she loved me! What a great news! Let's celebrate! Are there any celebrities round here to celebrate?
Having heard that, sperm of Kevin Spacey crawls out from behind the bush. Having seen it mr Gangrous excitedly exclaims:
- You! You! You! You are a seed of my celebration and you are the root for my happiness! Come in to my penis - you will be my son!

Mr Gangrous conceived a baby that night and lived with his wife forever (because they both caught immortal diseas)
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Insulting kisses

A human aspiring to be an average human does not judge other people's happiness. Bambini Groteska didn't know about this therefore one day he said to princess:
- Your happiness is shit!
- Shit! Shit! Shit! I love shit! Let's sing a song about shit! - Princess responded jumping above the floor and killing some animals at the same time
- Hey! You killed the fly! It was my only friend in this room!
- Don't worry! Forgive me! Let's make thanks-for-giving dinner now!
- I don't need to forgive you right now. You use me as a guinea pig for showing off your happiness habits. I have to hide my happiness deep inside because I made a promise to never flash it. I need to be faithful to my brain! Do you understand?
- That was so organic what you have said! I sense I fell down in love with you. I sense you want to kiss me with your lips into my lips! Let's kiss together!

What a happy ending! What a story! Do not be jealous! You can do the same if you are good in insulting etiquette.

World's VIPs

Princess is at the opening of the world. One could say it looks like an avarage coctail party but when you take a closer look it is actually pretty special. The hard-deco ornaments between the oceans must have cost 2.000.000 pesos.
Princess is rehearsing chat up lines to make friends with visitors from other planets when she suddenly spots Santa.
- Hey Santa! What are YOU doing here?
- Are you trying to insinuate that I should not be here? Yoy mean how come I got invited to the opening? That you are better then me?
- Yes exactly. Sorry, it rude to use meta-idioms in situations like this.
- I know. You've spent too much time with those league of gentlemen guys.
- Anyway, may you ciao-off right now and pretend you don't know me since I would like to make some new UFO friends.
Santa fulfilled her wish with happiness since he always got off on honesty and Princess was combing the fields of glamour with her greedy eyes. The occasion of establishing frienship appeared sooner then an aftermath. The peachy-skinned creature with the names of 5 most famous tatoo artist tatooed on its back just drop a moon-steak off its plate. Chancy Princess immediately put her silky leg on the moon-steak so the creature could not put it back on the plate.
- Oh, I can see that your moon-steak is under my foot - Princess addressed the looser - Does it mean that you can not put it back on your plate?
- Yes maydam. You tell the truth.
- Would you like me to release it for you?
- Yes maydam. I would like.
- Will you become my friend if I take my foot away from it?
- Yes maydam I will become.
- Miau, miau miau!!! What a sexy story! Let's make some fun! Give me a hug! Anybody take a photo?!?!
Princess seemed so sickly happy. Do you think she was on drugs or she was paid?
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What holiday made us

Today Princess is in Ecuador starting new bussiness to get money to go on holiday to mongolia. She is opening an Agent Agency of course.
The first client is ready, therefor the Princess states:
- Do you fancy some relaxing
holidays?
- Oh yes please!
-Well then come into this cage full of sharks and computers.
-What? I think you lady got you intentions frustrated!
-Absolutely not! You need to get stressed to get relaxed. You don't look stressed at all at the moment now, therefore your holiday would fail.
-You are so fucking nice. I'm in!!!
-In!!! In!!! In!!! All you people are in! Who is out then? That is why you don't see the world around you! Because you are in all the time.May I have some alternative clients please or am I going to spent all my life on facebook? Do you know what I minge?
- Absolutely. Shall I apologise, pay or call your parents?
- Call my parents! Fuck yeah! What a great idea. I'm giving you 6 months holiday for free. Pack your balls! You are going to Ecuador!
- But I am in ecuador now!
- That might be true, however that is what you deserve!

Remember that a good agent is a future teller. Don't take shit for with no toilet paper!
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Dreams of inequality

Princes writes a letters to santa Claus:

'Dear Santa,

I sense that you don't like this letter already. Probably because I'm not being honest with you. This letter is not for you. It is a letter to the council.
On saturday I went to the police station. I was deeply shocked that you allow the prisoners to chat up the visitors and why is the prison in police station anyway?
The guy behind the bars code had
addressed me as follows:
-How about you jump to my cell and we play some games together?
-How about a game of tennis? Do you play tennis? - I said
-Yes, actually I'm a famous tennis player. You didn't know? Shame you don't know anything about sports. How embarrassing for you!
Yes, Council, how embarrasing! How dare you keep the famous tennis player so bar-coded that even I don't know about him? Haven't you see the zeitgeist? Where is the whole world going?
I hope you improve your brains in an emergency mode.
Looking forward to hearing from you Arsehole Detecteur.

Regards Princess'

After writing the letter Princess went to the beauty studio called 'Pubic Whales'. Unfortunately the beauty studios are full of women and today they decided to do a demonstration. Walking around the beauty studio they harmonically sang:
'Sexual freedom for all animals! Let the dogs fuck!'
Observing this, Princess quickly thought:
' Sheize! Everything is taken care of! Is there any inequality I can direct my fury into? My love and grief are restless. Give them a reason!!!!

...and she cried until the icecream van.
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The people from internet

Princess got a job in TV after they fired her from recycling company. (Extra gratis info: In order to start recycling company start cycling the rubbish and give big hug and a kiss to everybody who does the same)
In Tv she had interview the famish entrepreneur mr. Richard Handsom.
- Now, mister Handsom, what you are planning to open next? A bar in barcelona? A bridge in london bridge? Or maybe a brick in bricklane?
- A brick in bricklane.
- That is sick! Where is the opening?
- The opening...
- Actually you don't need to answer. Let us all read about it in papers tomorrow. I think you work too hardy mister handsome. You shouldn't take disadvantage of life. Anyway, I feel sorry for taking disadvantage of you - this interview is as boring as Alabama Fashion Week....- Princess could not finish the sentence because of human intervention: 2 persons jogged to her and putted non-SMS cuffs on her.
- Hey. What are you doing you Shitty girls! - Princess shouted- Don't you know who I am? I AM ON INTERNET! I AM ON INTERNET! I AM ON INTERNET!
Now, the story can not be continued until the Shitty girls visit this blog and learn who Princess is and let out from the cuffs.


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Sexes of language

- I'm going to Olympics 2008. - said Princess to her friend in bed.
-How increadible! How come you are going? How much? How.... How..... How...- the friend reacted (the friend was a dog of course)
- I have date. With Girasole. The most famous athlete in the world.
- How-oofa- poof- spoof-how-come-come-how
- Stop bitching, you disco ant eater - the princess got irritated- We shall promenade out of bed to absorbd some food
- Yes, yes, yes, what what restaurant who who should should go go when when?
-We will go to 'The Carpark Restaurant'.
- I don't want want want to - the dog waffled. It needs to be mentioned that the dog was a bit negative in his positve attitude. He grew up in new york and he grew down in london.
-oh, Why? Explain me why! Is that not fancy enough for you? Oh wait, I know a fancy food restaurant. It is called 'Shit'.
If princess had thought and spoke at the same time she would never see her friend running down the firewire escape. Thankgod he was wearing bluetooth dress otherwise she would never found him. She got him right at WTC (water toilet closet).
- Forgive me. I beg you - the Princess shouted whilst licking of the tears from her chicks - From now on I will watch my language. I will never upset you with my words again.
Et voila: since then she always had to write down everything she would say to her doggy friend. This is the only fashion of watching one's language (in the world of fashi fashion)

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The Passions of Friendship

Princess is just visiting a friend who is recovering after unsuccessful suicide attempt. She is saying following sentences to presently immortal acquaintance.

- So you don’t have enough? You still want to see what God has to offer? Oh sorry, I don’t want to be patronizing. You didn’t miss anything interesting on TV. Imagine how sad would everybody be. Lets celebrate this unaccomplished mission with alcohol and cigarettes. I’m here for you my friend. Lets stare in each other eyes. Next time you need some drama just let me know. I will show you how to suffer and get attention. And make the whole humanity suffer with you to the limits of joy. Look at the poor artists. Andy Warhol for example – he never smiled. He couldn’t afford to. The secret suffering pact with mother Teresa didn’t let him. Lets play the truth to the ears of illusion. Why should we pretend we don’t like everything. Stopping yourself from happiness is a hypersin. But even God sometimes commits it. Remember how they wrote in the Bible that he got angry with people? But he was forgiven of course. By himself of course. It is a finnessish adroitness to be able to forgive yourself. And you can do it too my dear friend because I believe in you. Do you see my belief or do I need to draw it? Oh, forgive me for bringing the happiness to you so quickly. Maybe you are not ready. Maybe my words mean nothing to you. Oh thank you for accepting nothing with such grace and understanding. Be my spiritual guide, my hero!!! I want to be the dirt under your fingernails. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Let us talk forever until we vanish on the non- selfish wish.

Is that bitch your mother who is trying to get me out of here just now? Tell her that if same happens to me my mother will treat you in similar manner.

Goodbye my suici!!!!!

Princess went for sushi and thought about that afternoon again. Her friend became nobody and never felt angry about it.

- Time for radiation – said the princess looking at the sky and grabbing the hand of the waiter. She pulled him across the town into the power plant. Over the they climbed the highest whatever and reacted the famous ‘Titanic scene’ (‘I’m the king og the worm).
- Shit. I’m late for spontaneous meeting with counselor – said the princess and evaporated.

The counsellor asked:
- Did you get depressed today princess?
- Of course not dear counsellor.
- How come? The weather is shit and the Christmas is cancelled. My mother has warned me that you are crazy.Not any bad thoughts at all? Are you sure?
- Absolutely none dear counsellor.
- Ok go.
- Thank you. I’ll see you in your dreams. Watch out for fat mickey rat!!!.

The pains of happiness

Princess went for 2 months to US nursery called Aftermath (because it was named after her grand father Mat). Over there she composed herself and this song:

Oh oh oh my joyful heart
Oh oh oh don't let it fart

With this happiness of air, smell of angel's thatch
Hey life, my mate, you give me too much

I don't deserve those friends those lovely moments here
How come it happens at once to both my hemispheres

Too happy is too much, can't stand it anymore
What have we done to earn this happiness that sores

Secret fines on the open minds

Today Princess is on the airport queuing to the security check when suddenly an american tourist starts talking at her:
'Hey you look like so bril, you must be like from some kind of European terrorist gang'
'I am princess'
'Shut up! I love that shit! Is it like you are together with al-kaida and the queen and all those guys? That is so hip!'
'No, we don't hang out. And you? Have you been studying in Texas or you are coming back from fringe festival?'
'I have a eurorail pass!'
'May I recommend you the Stansted trip then?'
'Sure. Is that where you are going too?'
'No, I'm going to India I need to visit a friend from facebook. His name is Mahatma Gandhi'

Princess and Mahatma were hanging out for a week doing the usual new friends etiquette: talking, staring, shaking and turning. One day she said to him:
'Hey Mahatma, do you know Brian?'
'You mean the american guy who hangs out on the airports and trains? Of course I know him. Conversation with him inspired me to starve, go to prison and equalize'

Reader's menthal help corner:
extreme ingorance = highest knowledge (infinity = zero)

Dolphin Love

'Run Princess! Run!'-somebody shouted. And she runned so immediately that she even forgot where she was before. 'Why did I listened to this idiot who told me to run?' - thought the Princess in her thoughts - 'now I'm going to get lost again'

Fortunately, 4500 meters later there was a bucket of paint standing on the road which made her reverse.

She ran back to where she was before which turned to be beautiful place: marvelous rock terrace overlooking the sea with 2 massive swimming pools filled with dolphins and a live band from youtube. Her friend Santa was waiting for her with a cocktail, palm tree leaves sticking out of his pockets and a rental bike leaflet sticked to his nose.

'Where have you been, you moron 5? Why did you not run with me?' - screamed Princess at her faithful friend.

'Oh, oh, oh believe me I wanted to but the dolphines just started to fancy me'-responded Santa with thriller in his voice

'What? They would have to be 90% desperate to fancy you. You look like your godfather is a rubbish collector and a he takes you to starbucks for your birthday.'


The dolphins heard that and they were kissing santa all the summer evening and totally disfancied Princess. Since then she never dared to judge who deserves dolphin love again.

The nudity of the truth

Princess was never a fan of naked truth, she always preferred the truth in bikini. Therefore when the right time arrived she decided to pay a visit to a 'Truth striptease'.

It costed about 120 000 dollars, the entry, but money is never that important in the stories because it doesn't exist. Princess got very attracted to the bouncer (because he had 'Doggygod' on his name tag) however she decided not to bother him and go straight to the point of striptease.

The true woman appeared in faked bikini looking for a pole.

Having not found it she made a few blind turns on the stage when she spotted the Princess: ' Princess! You awful watcher! Stop looking at me with this piercing look! I AM A TRULY SEXY LADY'

The lesson from this encounter is as follows: You don't need to be looking for truth since it will shout you out before your eyes get in focus.

Us in the manhole

The different day Princess fell into the manhole. 3 and a half minutes later the maddest woman in the world fell into the manhole too. She made the mad face expression and pronounced:' I don't feel attracted to sex'



'What are you begging for? Compassion?' - Princess decided it is rude not to respond - 'When you try to generate compassion harder it never works. It should come from naked brain, discovered from skin of suggestions, hair of morality and other natural organs of disturbance.'



'Now that you tried to catch me into this trap of compassion, and my philosophical brain detected it, I don't even think that you are that mad anymore. Only somebody half as mad as the maddest could come up with a think like this'



The woman stopped her mad expression and super quickly exited the manhole straight into the world of half madness which called itself 'normality'



Princess was waiting for 42 minutes longer for more people to fall into the manhole but they didn't. Then she felt boring and decided to leave the manhole too.



'Sunshine! Mate!' - she screamed when she saw the sun - ' Let's hang out!'

Dangerous Fears

-My curiosity is big as elephannt and my fear is small as a mouse - said Princess to the shop assistance in a shop with musical instruments.

-That is very interesting Madam. How can I help you?

-Help me?!!! Help yourself if you just haven't understood what I just said!!!

Ok, I will help your broken brain. Give me the most dangerous instrument in the world. My curiousity and courage need to be fed. Maybe something like rotting harp with strings made of anaconda's tongues and a black-hole sticker?

-I'm sorry madam but I'm affraid we don't have anything like this....

- What?!!! You are affraid? You are scared? I've just told you not to!!!! Oh, you make my brain angry! How can hole humanity develop with a sun-bedded morons like you?



- Ok, stop shaking your eyeballs. Sit here on my lapdancers. Calm down and repeat after me:



' I fear to fear'

- I fear to fear

-'I'm too scared to be scared'

-I'm too scared to be scared

-'When I see the lion I will please him to save up mu nerves'

-When I see the lion I will please him to save up mu nerves



- And..... How is it? Do you feel sexy?

- Yes, yes, yes, I do, I do, I do! My fear is gone!!!

- Ha, ha! You lost it! You lost it like britney!

-?????

-Britney spears has no fears!Britney spears has no fears! Everybody stand up and sing with me! Britney spears has no fears!

How to pervertarise

Today Princess was walking on the street trying not to meet anybody she knew. The thought of all her old friends would make her vomit. ' Bonk the beds, all my old friends are sick' - she thought in her brain. - ' I had too much good times with them. I don't deserve it'.

As in all the telepathic stories, as soon as she thought that, her old friend HipDip blocked her way with her body.

- Ciaocesku Princess! Where are you catapulting your ass to?
- Selamat Siang HipDip! What are your rotten teeth hissling again?

After exchanging casualities they became melancholic about their pastiche past. It sounded like this maybe:

- Remember that day when we were hunting whales and we pretended we were on drugs.
- Of course I do. I wish we did take some drugs some drugs actually. The whole experience would be so much more interesting.
- Imagine probably we would halucinogate that those whales are squirrels.
- Smacky shitty bobs! And we would imagine the sea is the tree!
- Yes! That would be so haloumi!
- And we would think the sharks are nuts!
- Nuts as the butter!
- Your dog sucks off mice from the tube!
- Your Tv has no remote control!

Coincidentaly the priminister of art and culture was wankimg past.
-Stop this vulgarities girls immediately. You destroy the reputation of short legged women.- he said of course.

- Don't worri mini-stare, Everybody tries to perverterise reality but the results are poor. There is never enough to feed the whole world.



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Cheating on the skies

- Today is the sun-day so I need to go to beach church- said princess to her temping parent
- What is this sun church darly darling? Do you want to talk about it?
- It is a place on a beach where we meet, stare in the bluesies and wait for god
- What is this bluesies darly darling? Do you want to talk about it?
- It is all the blue components of the world: sea, sky etc. - responded Princess in her voice of ivory - The talking is over. Ciao bestialski

And she travelled to the beach. Many people on the way have asked about the hour and phone number. She looked quite kinkish momentarily because she put the tangerine nail polish on her lips after reading 'Marie Bazaar'.

And she met with her church companions on the beatch of the sea and they prayed intensively and they received the suntan.

'The showers of wonder, let us walk on your puddles'- said the last prayers the princess and turned to different colors.

Away from the sea and the sky, in the human direction, there was a very fine one growing in front of her. He got very fine eyes and the eyesight because when he sighted princess he elaborated so:
- I will Jason Donovan you. Wait...- and he stared at her until breakfest broke them apart.

They sent letters to everybody else but each other. That is the feeling of the ultraconceptual love these days. Yes.


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Shaky Calcuta

Dying is a privilege. Therefore relatives and friends of the dead are sad. It is most obvious act of jealousy. Said the Princess when Princess Diana Died.



They met on the party: 'VIP madness'.

'I was advising her on the pregnancy issues with Harry. She told me her son was watching naked women on telly and expressed the intention of making them pregnant'



The other friend of mine had a similar problem . With a difference that her son succeeded after 10 years of trying. He called his baby 'Dancing Horses' and was claiming it was schizofrenic since it was one day old.





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Princess and Presidente

Today Princess wanted to start a demonstration. She got all her resources ready and decided to call her slave to arrange the few final arrangements.
- Santa. Come here you dog!
The clarification: Princess does not recognize human humiliation. The reason she calls Santa Claus her slave is the game they have been playing this week - just to find out what a terrible thing it is to be slave.
- Put me through to president. I need to announce him something now!
- But which president?
- You educational donkey! You don't know who the president is? Sarkozy, you donkey, Sarkozy!
- I though that Bush was a president.
- Bush is killed. He got abused by american troops in Iraq. Don't you even read papers on internet?
- Forgive me madame. I shall call Zakozy immediately.

Within 3 minutes Princess was successfully connected with president.
- Allo, allo, president? I want to organize a demonstration.
- Ooo la la da da da hi hi ha ha. What do you want to demonstrate against cherie?
- Against demonstrations.
- Ooo la la da da da hi hi ha ha. Je suis désolé! I'm in the relationship already mon mignon.
- Fine then! I will become gay! Watch! You will see!
- yez, dat iz verree intereSTING, you are ouelcome. Ciao bambino!
And he politely smashed the phone against the ashtray.

- Santa! - the princess rescreamed right after the conversation - Make me an appointment with a gay-sex-clinic now!!!